


A Table Made For Two

by hollowfirefly



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: G-Dragon - Freeform, GTOP, HALF CANON, M/M, Sad, Top - Freeform, angsty, bigbang, hollowfirefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 23:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12330750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollowfirefly/pseuds/hollowfirefly
Summary: Will you kiss me?I told you I would not. I told you I would only kiss you if you loved me. You could not tell me you loved me.





	A Table Made For Two

**Author's Note:**

> I was really bored and didn't want to do schoolwork so I wrote this instead. I just really love Ji and Seunghyun so enjoy this little piece about them.  
> Kudos, comment, bookmark if you enjoy!!

_Will you kiss me?_

I told you I would not. I told you I would only kiss you if you loved me. You could not tell me you loved me.

We held hands for the first time at thirteen. You were nervous about your first show. It wasn’t a big show. There were maybe ten people there. But you took it so seriously. You take everything so seriously. You grasped my hand in support and I made no move to let go. You didn’t care then, why do you care now?

Thirteen was a long time ago, but it still feels like we’re that old sometimes. Sometimes you still look at me with as much awe as you did ten years ago. I miss that. I miss the way you made me feel as if I mattered for more than what everyone expected of me. You were the only one to make me feel that way.

Nowadays, I kiss your lips only in secret. You tell me that maybe one day we can do it in public. Maybe one day you’ll really be mine. Nowadays, when I hold you it’s when you’re shaking after sex in my arms. I’d like to hold you more than just when you need me to. I’d like to hold you when you want me to.

But you don’t want me to.

_Will you love me?_

I asked you this when we were twenty years old. We had just debuted and I remember that you had pulled me to the roof of our dorm building to have a cigarette. You asked me if we were doing the right thing. I told you yes. There was a pause before you asked me if that time when I held onto your hand at thirteen was because you had feelings for me. I thought it was too good to be true. Did _you_ have feelings for _me?_ You closed the space between us and placed your hand on my cheek. You stared down at me, with those eyes I fell in love with the moment I saw them on the sidewalk the first time. I asked you the question: _Will you love me?_ Your pupils dilated as you stared at my lips, and my eyelids closed slowly as your mouth closed off any chance to breathe. I did breathe though. I breathed in you. I let it fill my lungs. I was so happy. You were mine.

We lasted awhile; happy and content. We kissed whenever we wanted. We laughed whenever we felt. We weren’t very famous but it didn’t matter. With the little food we had, we were still happy because we had each other.

I knew it was too good to be true though. These things always are.

When we were twenty-five years old you told me that we should tell Hyunsuk. I had been ready to move forward for a while and now you were too. I nodded enthusiastically as you took my hand and led me down the hallway towards Hyunsuk’s office. This was the first time we’d ever held hands in public, even in the building. We had been so careful before and the fire in your eyes told me that you were tired of being careful now. You wanted this to be real just as much as I did.

We approached Hyunsuk’s office and as I went to knock, you opened the door with no warning. I was shocked by your forwardness but it was one of the things I fell in love with; your desire to be passionate about everything. Hyunsuk was shocked as you pulled me into the room. Neither of us sat down and all I could do was stare at you; the way you stared straight at Hyunsuk with purpose in your eyes. God, you were beautiful.

“Sir, Jiyong and I are dating. We wanted to let you know because we are not going to hide it anymore.” You nodded in certainty and went to turn around, but Hyunsuk’s voice stopped you.

“Seunghyun, Jiyong- sit.” Hyunsuk kicked one of the rolling chairs out towards me, hitting my shoe.

You pulled me solemnly, knowing where this was going. We sat in chairs next to each other, never letting go of the other’s hand. I still had hope that this wasn’t going to end the way we knew it was. I still had hope that the fire in your eyes was not burnt out. I still had hope that we could be like every other happy couple in the world.

But as we knew, we couldn’t. Hyunsuk told us what would happen if the public found out about our relationship. He informed us of the death threats, the career loss, and more. He even told us we might have to leave Korea just to escape the constant torment of the public. I knew he was exaggerating, but for a moment escaping to Paris or New York seemed like a dream come true. Finally, Hyunsuk told us he wanted us to keep a distance from each other in public, because the fans were beginning to pick up on “signs” and he didn’t want rumors being spread.

But they _weren’t_ rumors. I wanted to scream it. _We’re not_ rumors.

It was after that incident that you began to distance yourself from me. Even when we had chances to be together in private, you chose to stay by yourself or go out with Daesung or friends. There were rarely any moments that we spent alone amongst our busy schedules. When we did manage to be alone, you barely spoke to me and spent most of the time staring out the window or making small talk. I couldn’t tell if you were just taking Hyunsuk’s words to heart or if you didn’t want to be with me anymore.

Finally, you seemed to be better. I asked what had happened when you were away emotionally. You told me not to worry about it and kissed me. It was hard to fight you.

We were twenty-six years old when you shut down again. You had just finished a movie and locked yourself away in your villa for months on end. I would come over and you would just nod, stare, and barely say a word. I was so scared and had no idea what to do. One day I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to make you listen to me. I began to yell in outrage. I told you to get up and listen to me. I told you to give a damn about me.

I asked you: _Do you love me?_

You did not answer.

So I left.

It was then that I realized that you never answered me when I asked you _Will you love me?_ But now I knew you could not.

Three years later and we’re here. We are trying again.

_Will you kiss me?_

You ask me this for the first time since we started dating again. I’m nervous, as if we have never dated before. I want to kiss you, god, how I’ve missed you.

But I know that I cannot suffer another bout of losing you. I know that I cannot go through anymore hurt when it comes to watching you fall apart and take me down with you. There are some things you just cannot compromise on.

_Will you love me?_

I ask this to confirm. I will not kiss you unless you answer yes. I need to know that you will love me one day.

You stare at my lips, your pupils dilate- this time I do not let you steal my breath however. This time I turn my face away and can feel my eyes stinging with tears.

“I know.” I say as I walk out of the room and let the door shut softly behind me.

I will not be angry, because I know.

It is hard to love a man who loves you enough for two.


End file.
